craziness lately

I feel like I've been in a non-stop whirlwind of stress and craziness lately. I'm getting a divorce, again. This not only fucks with my depression in the sense of "wow great job at failing at marriage again" but also the sense of "fuck, now you have to take care of yourself.

I'll tell ya, I've never lived on my own 100%. I've always lived with friends or spouse/SO's. The idea of being 100% alone is scary as fuck. I am an extrovert. I love having people around. I absolutely hate being alone. Being alone is one of the reasons my marriage failed in the first place. There are many many many reasons, but my depression, being alone, and things just not working out (read:problems with him that I won't post about) are the main issues.
I'm actually starting another relationship and it's making me feel like even more of a failure. Not only do I constantly seem to do the wrong thing. I am just feeling like I can't keep my shit together as much as I want to.
I want this new relationship to work out SO much, but I keep fucking things up, then it fucks with my depression even worse, and it's like a nonstop "hey you're a fuckup" battle.
How do you stop the nonstop fuckups? when does it stop? I feel like there has to be something. I just can't figure it the hell out. this is the shittiest feeling and I just feel hopeless.


This is me on 450mg of Wellbutrin. Situational depression can still affect regular depression no matter how much medication you take. I guess I just need to wait it out and hope for the best. Sometimes it's the waiting that really gets to you.